


Revelations

by jacquelee



Series: Ladiesbingo 2020/2021 [18]
Category: Babylon 5
Genre: Angst, Future Fic, Gen, So much angst, You Have Been Warned, canon character death is mentioned, it's not pretty, just open ended angst, no happy endings here, this is about the Earth Minbari war and Delenn's role in starting it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 14:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,752
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30005958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jacquelee/pseuds/jacquelee
Summary: Not long after she became Anla'shok Na, a careless remark from one of the Rangers about Delenn's past calls everything Susan thought she knew about her best friend into question.Set shortly after Sleeping In Light.
Relationships: Delenn & Susan Ivanova
Series: Ladiesbingo 2020/2021 [18]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2166801
Comments: 1
Kudos: 3
Collections: Ladies Bingo 2020





	Revelations

**Author's Note:**

> Written for [ladiesbingo](http://ladiesbingo.dreamwidth.org) for the prompt Careless talk costs lives.

Moving to Minbar and becoming the new Anla'Shok Na had been good for Susan. Having a purpose in her life again, something to do that wasn't just sitting behind a desk, felt good. It made her feel alive, more than anything had done in many years. And she had to admit that being with Delenn was good too. They had taken to have breakfast together, sometimes other meals too and they talked for longer and longer times every day. 

The only problem was that there were still Minbari, even inside the Rangers, who didn't agree with a human holding the leader position again. She had been nothing but welcomed by many and she was grateful for it, especially for her personal aid, Yeyani, but in a way, the support made the few doubters and criticizers stand out even more. 

One of the older Anla'Shok, Mayal, had been targeting her specifically, mocking and bad-talking everything she did. Yeyani said not to worry about her and not to pay attention, that she was just envious to have been overlooked again for the title of Entil'Zha in favor of a human, but it wasn't easy for Susan to not let it get to her. 

Especially when Mayal didn't just attack Susan but Delenn too, as she was doing right now, near the end of a training session. Susan knew it was because she had succeeded in besting nearly all of the Rangers here, something that made her extremely thankful for having kept up with her training in the last few years, and so she tried to ignore it, until she heard something that made her blood freeze in her veins.

"She's keeping the humans around like pets when we all know she was the one who started the war against them in the first place."

Susan turned around, feeling like her heart was pounding in her chest and there wasn't enough air going into her lungs. This couldn't be real. It just couldn't.

"What did you just say?"

Others had started paying attention to the two of them and Yeyani was by Susan's side immediately, putting a hand on her shoulder in a comforting gesture. Mayal didn't seem to care about the others listening though, scoffing and continuing her assault.

"She was Satai at the time, the chosen of Dukhat. You think she never got involved with the war? She was the deciding vote! No mercy, remember that? Ever wonder where that came from?"

Susan couldn't react, she couldn't even breathe. She had no idea what to think. Thankfully, Yeyani took control of the situation, addressing the room in a stern tone.

"That is enough. We do not talk about private matters here. Anyone who does, will face severe consequences, is that understood?" The Rangers nodded, not all of them understanding the context but knowing enough not to ask questions. "Everyone, take a break. We'll continue later in the day."

All of the Rangers filed out, Mayal reluctantly after a staring match with Yeyani that she lost in the end. Susan was still not able to do anything, even move, her thoughts racing. After everyone else had left, Yeyani seemed to want to say something to her but then stopped herself and just smiled weakly before moving to the door too. Finally finding the ability to speak again, Susan stopped her.

"Is it true?"

Yeyani turned around with something resembling confusion and sadness on her face, which did not reassure Susan.

"I do not know. There are rumors, but I have never heard anything definitive."

Susan nodded, not sure if she was grateful for the honesty or would have rather been lied to. Even though she knew Minbari never lied. Well, nearly never.

"Thank you."

"It was a long time ago in any case."

"My brother died in that war."

Yeyani bowed her head, whether in acknowledgment or sorrow, Susan wasn't sure.

"I am sorry."

She seemed to not know what else to say and just nodded to Susan, smiling a very small sad smile before leaving the room. Feeling like she had just been on a rollercoaster, Susan moved to the bench on the far wall and sat down burying her head in her hands. She had no idea what to do with that information, if it was even true. Of course she had never expected that Delenn had just not taken part in the war, that would have been incredibly naïve but to have someone say that she started it? That it was her fault Ganya was dead? That their friendship of over thirty years was based on a lie?

Was it, really? Susan was trying to clear her head, to keep those thoughts at bay. She knew Delenn. She had known her as long as her oldest friends, as long as Garibaldi and Franklin. She knew she could be ruthless when it was necessary, she would never have been essential in beating the Shadows and the Vorlons and the Drakh if she wasn't. But she was also kind and good. Otherwise, she wouldn't have been able to co-found the Alliance, to lead the Rangers for all these years, to usher in a new age of peace in the galaxy.

Still trying to reconcile those two different sides of her best friend and to slot this new information into the picture she had of her, Susan didn't realize that someone had entered the room until they sat beside her. She raised her head, looking directly into the face of the person who currently occupied all of her thoughts. A rage and confusion she hadn't felt in a long time cursed through her as she took in Delenn's serious expression, looking as if she was carrying the weight of several worlds on her shoulders.

And maybe she was. 

For a long moment, neither of them spoke. Susan couldn't stand looking at Delenn, so she closed her eyes and leaned her head against the wall. Eventually, Delenn broke the silence.

"I heard what happened here."

Susan kept her eyes closed but nodded in acknowledgment. So, it was up to her to get to the truth? Again, the anger she was trying to keep down surged up.

"Is it true?"

"Yes."

Now Susan opened her eyes, looking at Delenn, trying to make sense of all the different feelings that were warring inside her, but grateful that there was not attempt at deception, at downplaying that revelation. Part of her wanted to leave, to just quit and burn all bridges on her way out. But part of her needed to understand, to truly know. 

"How?"

She didn't have it in her to ask more than that, but Delenn seemed to get it anyways, sighing and looking into the distance for a moment, clearly in her own head.

"I was young and careless. I didn't know anything about humans other than that they fired upon us, unprovoked, without reason. Dukhat had just died in my arms. He wasn't just my mentor, he was my best friend. I felt like I had lost part of myself. And maybe I had. That is why I cast my vote to not investigate, to not seek understanding, but to retaliate and to show no mercy."

Susan kept her eyes on Delenn, trying to understand, to see what it must have been like through her eyes. It wasn't easy, and she was sure just a few years ago she wouldn't even have made the attempt. But the war was so long ago. All of this felt like another life. A wound, yes, one that would never fully heal. But one that ironically, Delenn had helped her heal significantly. To hear now that she had been the one to cast that wound in the first place…

"Ganya died. In the battle of the line. He died. So many died."

She was choking on tears now, bringing up those old wounds, digging into them until they were raw. Delenn nodded and Susan could see tears running down her face, but despite that, she kept herself calm, collected, as always. 

"I know. I am so sorry. It was the worst thing I ever did in my life and I have tried to take it back so many times. When I couldn't, when the war had taken on a life of its own, bigger than me, bigger even than the Grey Council, I tried to atone, to help wherever possible to make up for my carelessness."

There it was, that nagging thought that had been overshadowed by all the other feelings, all the rage and sadness.

"Atone. That is why you came to Babylon 5, why you fought the Shadows, created the Alliance?" Delenn nodded again, smiling infinitesimally through tears. But Susan was not finished. "Is that also why you married John? Why you named him Entil'Zha and invited me here to take his place?"

Delenn's eyes went wide for a second but then she closed them, taking a deep breath.

"No. Believe me, I have asked myself that question, but no. I love John. With all my heart. I invited you here because I believe you are the best person to be Entil'Zha. And because I love you."

The last was said quieter, hesitantly. Susan realized that they had never actually said it to each others face, had never needed to. It had always been obvious, unspoken but shown in gestures, in soft smiles. For some reason, Delenn saying it right now ignited the anger again, making it harder to reconcile the person who had started a bloody war, a war that had cost her her brother and had brought her childhood to an abrupt end with the person who had been nothing but kind and gentle to her ever since they had met.

It was an impossible feat and in the end, Susan gave up trying to sort everything out right now.

"I need time. I don't know how to feel about any of this."

"Of course. I understand. I will prepare a ship to take you back to Earth immediately."

Susan looked up abruptly.

"No. I… I mean, not now. I am still Ranger One, I want to keep my promise to the Rangers."

Delenn nodded once, smiled a little, sad smile and left. Susan closed her eyes again, once more putting her head in her hands, taking deep breaths to calm herself.

She felt like her whole world had just been turned around, and she had no idea where to go from here.


End file.
